


Cicero

by roguefaerie (samidha)



Series: Finding Home Away From Home (GQ/NB Dean Winchester with Shadow Moon Fics) [3]
Category: American Gods (TV), American Gods - Neil Gaiman, Gabriel (2007), Norse Religion & Lore, Once Upon a Time (TV), Peter Pan & Related Fandoms, Supernatural
Genre: Abusive Winchester Family, Coming Out, Coming Out is Never a One Time Deal, Dysfunctional Family, Family Issues, Genderqueer Dean Winchester, Long and Slow Process, Mirrors, Moderated Comments, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Dean, Other, POV Second Person, Queerplatonic Relationships, Trans Character, Trans Dean, Trying to Come Out When the Conversations Were More Rare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 23:50:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11390976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samidha/pseuds/roguefaerie
Summary: Dean wanders into Cicero and meets Lisa playing pool.





	Cicero

**Author's Note:**

> See previous notes on this series. They are important, and might be getting on the long side to reproduce here.  
> NOTE! All parts are being added to the first document for people who want this series long-form. Parts are being added inside of the series (As of July 7 up to part 4) because some people prefer long form and some prefer bookmarking individual pieces.

You’re not old enough to rent a car yet, but you refuse to miss the Impala. So you just start walking again. You’ll figure out where you’re going.

You stop in a gas station bathroom, brace yourself, stare into the mirror pointedly and let out the scream that’s been building inside you.

Jesus. Oh, Jesus.

Wrong God but they’ll get the idea, right?

That was fucking close. That was close.

Your skin hurts and you are aching all over because, dammit, you do want a goddamn dress and you don’t know why that has to be so hard. But you have to pack light, you know you haven’t landed yet.

If you’re going to land.

No. You’re going to land.

You just don’t know where yet. But it’ll be somewhere. It has to be somewhere.

You want to wait in here until Odin appears in the mirror but it could be days, so you can’t. You’ll find another one.

Mirror, mirror.

Jesus. You can’t believe you let her get that close to you. And yet...you’d do it all again. In a heartbeat.

Maybe the solution is just going mute again, not that that’s ever been a thing you could control.

Just leave. Just leave everything. Just leave everything.

But to go where?

Odin--the Allfather and your Father says that there are people for you. You want to believe him--you have to believe him.

Coin tricks. Do some coin tricks. Calm you down.

That’s an idea.

You don’t really do a trick, you just take out a nickle and start to mess with it. Hold it, roll it, spin it a little on the sink. And you breathe. You breathe again.

You want to go home. But you are home. Somehow. In this gas station bathroom you are supposed to be home.

You sigh and then get back on the road.

*~*~*

You are not going to drink. You are just not going to drink. You’ll go in the bar. Anyway, if you want to hustle pool then you need to be sober as hell.

The only person at a pool table is a woman wearing a turquois v-neck you are immediately jealous of.

Ugh. Keep it together. You have enough clothes in your bag.

Women who play pool are--well--mmhmm.

Actually it could be someone like you. Maybe. But how do you ask?

You go up to her and clear your throat. “Uh, hi.” You’re not here to hustle. Or to be drunk. Maybe that would make things easier, but you wouldn’t be yourself.

She smiles a half smile. “Hey. Wanna play? I’m fair.”

Interesting choice of words.

“I...um….”

She nods as if to prod you forward a little. “Too sober,” she says. “Have a drink.”

“I dunno, I don’t really, um, I just left home a few months ago and my dad--”

“Oh. Yeah. Okay.”

“I mean it’s not like that, I drink, just…”

“I get it,” she says and smiles.

The next thing she does proves she’s way more flexible than you.

Fascinating.

“We could get out of here,” she says, eying the crowd a little.

Your heart is thudding in your ears a little, you’re trying not to blush. What if she--finds out?

“Yeah, um…” You pause. “Yeah, okay, we could.”

“Pool’s fun but they’re not,” she says, gesturing to some rowdy people gathering around the bar.

You don’t have to look to know what she means. You follow her out to her car and only once inside do you realize you were holding your breath.

*~*~*

Two days later, you are still in Cicero. You are sitting on her couch. “I…”

“Dean.”

Your stomach lurches, “Um yeah?”

“Hey, it’s just me, calm down.”

You can’t calm down, you’ll never calm down, because what if John and Sam--they could be behind you, they could be anywhere, they’re always everywhere.

“Um...not helping,” you admit.

“There’s something you need to say.”

“I can’t. Please don’t make me. The last time--she--I loved her and she-- I can’t.”

Lisa puts an arm around you--you let her. You even remember not to flinch somehow. Oh, God, people who touch you without hurting you. You start to cry. And then you can’t stop. “My family--”

“I know. Okay. I know. Ssh. I know.”

She doesn’t know, but you let her say it, it feels okay and the tiniest bit better.

For now you’ll stay in Cicero.

Welcome to the bendiest weekend of your life.

*~*~*

After that, Lisa is all you want. You could stay here. You could.

*~*~*

You wake up on her couch in a cold sweat. You’ve been screaming in your sleep. You dreamed of being out in her yard when a cyclone hit and when you ran inside it followed you. It followed you.

If this happens again, you’ll be screaming about Sam, about John. You have to go.

You have to go. And so you do.

West. You promised your Father you would go west and enroll in school. And so you will.

You grasp a nickel in your fist to keep grounded as you leave the house that night. The note you leave doesn’t have anything on it but two words.

Thank you.

You board another bus this time. No messing around. You promised--not just the Allfather, but yourself. You promised yourself, pipe dream or not. You’re going to go to school.


End file.
